Heart Flush

Hello to all my new members. We are happy you joined us.

I personally hope you continue to enjoy my stories.

Today's story comes from my life experiences. The thought

for this story came to me while replying to one of our members.

She will know who she is.

All I can say is, "Don't be afraid to cry."

How starnge is this. As I have been writing this note to you,

I have been watching Mrs. Doubtfire. The end of the movie is near.

If you've seen the movie, you might remember the scene where

the judge ruled full custody of Robin William's children to

his wife.

I'm getting my heart flush as I speak - how fitting!


                                           Heart Flush

I sat on the ground and cried. For more than a year, I'd

been working on an addition to my house. All my free time was

spent working on it. In the evenings, after a day at work, I

would gather my tools and go to work building decks, installing

wood flooring, nailing trim around the doors and windows, and

putting up siding.


The siding was the breaking point for me. It wasn't the

siding itself; I knew that. It was the accumulation of work and

stress that broke me. I did the siding alone. I was up-and-down

the ladder all day: cut a piece, position the ladder, climb, nail,

down, move the ladder, climb back up...


I heard my kids crying inside. The sun burned the back of

my neck. Sweat burned my eyes. My insurance company had issues

with certain materials in the older section of the house and

were threatening to cancel our coverage.


The stress built.


A new piece of siding was positioned on the cutter. I pulled

the trigger on the saw. The blade spun to life and stopped, as I

released my grip and sat in the grass. My elbows rested on my knees;

my head in my hands. The tears began to flow.


No one saw me, and I never mentioned it. For thirty minutes

I sat there, tears streaming down my cheeks. My shoulders shook

from the sobs. The pain flushing from my heart and running from

my eyes. I didn't fight it. It needed to happen.


**************************


I'm not afraid to cry. The memory in the story above is just

one of the many times I have cried. My tears have flowed for

happiness and for sorrow. There were times when I was away from

my family for long periods of time. At night, I'd pull the covers

over me and let the tears soak my pillow. We needed to be together.

Georgia was taking care of everything on her own. Loneliness and

guilt filled my heart.


I've lost loved ones - is there a pain more severe? The tears

flowed; they needed to. Sad movies, touching stories, and beautiful

pictures make my tears flow. I am not ashamed of them. Tears flush

my heart clean of pain. Held in, the pain grows and takes control.

Let it out and feel whole again. The flush hurts, but once it's

over, magnified by the tears, life looks and feels a little better.


Give yourself a heart flush. Flush the hurt from your heart.


Michael T. Smith

Send you comments to mtsmith@qwestonline.com

To read more of my stories or to sign up for my twice weekly

posts, go to http://archives.zinester.com/86758/


Now for some comments on my last stories.

Mike,

This is so true I have been there with all the layoffs, but my

father always said " Its not problems you run into but its how

you handle them"

Bob


Excellent. How true, how true. Thanks!

Vivian